The Scary Truth About Cheating Spouses
Posted on May 13, 2008
Filed Under Relationships |
An unfaithful spouse. What a terrifying thought. When one thinks of a unfaithful spouse, one usually thinks of a soap-opera or of an unfortunate neighbor - rarely do we consider that a cheating spouse is in our own home. That is, until one day you fear you are married to a cheater.
To start, the slow realization of a cheating spouse is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your suspicions. Perhaps he/she has many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse just seems “absent” from your relationship - but happy. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the moment when adultery became reality in their life.
No two affairs are the same, but the majority of unfaithful spouses have some dirty traits in common. These same traits are the tools to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Unfaithful spouses actually hate lying to you - that is, at the beginning. Yes, it is true. Most unfaithful spouses really struggle with the overwhelming dishonesty at first. Over time, their guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Cheating spouses are the most stressed out human beings you may ever meet. The stress of lying, keeping up two lives, keeping all their stories straight, and trying to keep two partners happy can be over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, the majority of cheating spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so someone would force them to end it.
Unfaithful spouses need today’s technology to keep the affair alive. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to being in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking all email and cell phone accounts. Any unknown email address or cell phone number should be traced for your peace of mind.
Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding.
If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one thing. The next steps, actions and efforts are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just had a traumatic experience happen that will center around trust. The misconception is that healing from an affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list of future things to deal with, it is not your immediate concern. Your first concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Cheating spouses tend to thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses inflict upon themselves. The desire to trust is stronger than the desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues is the betrayed spouses. Take time out for yourself and heal yourself before you attempt any other changes in your life.
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